I had a master plan to travel hack a summer vacation to Japan. Apply for an Alaska Airlines credit card, spend $3,000 and get a signup bonus of 75,000 miles, and also use the card for big purchases. For example, paying The Man by April 15 of each year. I’d eventually earn enough miles to buy a discounted family trip to Tokyo.

My wife didn’t think the kids were ready for a 15-hour flight. I was like, “Really? They spend 15 hours watching YouTube Shorts! Give ’em some melatonin and internet and they’re good.”

But I didn’t want to break my decade-long streak of winning marital arguments, so Japan was shelved. In its place for summer 2024? Seattle, Washington. The birthplace of the great Sir Mix-A-Lot and a whole lot more.

We stayed at an Airbnb in Ballard. It’s a well-to-do neighborhood maybe 15 minutes from downtown Seattle. I wanted a place in the city, but I was wary due to reports of mass homelessness and addiction. I didn’t see it as a safety issue—I’ve been lifting weights and wishing a ninja would—but we’ve been around urban blight. I know my high-decibel middle child will pass someone and shout, “DADA! IS HE HIGH?!?”

Still, downtown was not as bad as media led me to believe. The Supreme Court has been on a erosion of freedoms kick and recently criminalized homelessness. Maybe there was a dystopian sweep in time for peak summer tourism?

We walked over 20,000 steps through and around downtown. Pike Place Market, Olympic Sculpture Park, Queen Anne, an overpriced taco shop (Seattle is crazy expensive), and the largest, most elaborate coffee shop I’ve seen: Starbucks Reserve Roastery.

Oh yeah…speaking of addiction, recreational marijuana is legal and dog-friendly in Washington state. I visited a dispensary to conduct research for the well-respected news site you’re reading.

We spent the following afternoon at a Seattle Mariners game. It’s one of baseball’s nicer stadiums, with a retractable roof and concession stand value menu. So no need to put to put a bag of popcorn on layaway. The Mariners lost and only got like five hits, but we did get a picture next to the Ken Griffey Jr. statue while being condemned to hell.

We went to Alki Beach after the game. It had a boardwalk and shops and looked similar to what you’d find in Southern California. Except it was cold and there were no thong-wearing Brazilian transplants. The weather didn’t stop the kids from purposely getting soaked by sneaker waves.

After more tacos, we grabbed poke and clam chowder at Seattle Fish Company in West Seattle. I actually wasn’t sure about buying anything, but the owner, after seeing my oldest in his Cleveland Guardians gear, gave the kids free baseballs. Can’t go wrong with kindness!

We spent most of the next day driving along the Chinook Scenic Byway towards Mount Rainier. I had my first “wow moment” of the trip. According to the smart folks on The Happiness Lab podcast, a wow moment is an awe-inducing experience that gives you goosebumps. You may have felt this way when you called off work and to watch all 33 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet.” Anyway, if near Mount Rainier, be sure to not awe your ass off a cliff. The roads are curvy.

On our fourth and final full day in Seattle, we got dizzy touring the Space Needle. The elevator takes you up 600 feet. Then you walk around a capsule that’s slowly moving. Then you see the food and drink prices and hurry down before the kids ask for something.

We spent the next two nights in Blaine, Washington. It’s steps away from Canadian border and just 30 miles from Vancouver, British Columbia. Vancouver was our original post-Seattle weekend destination, but they’ve banned Airbnb. Sharing a hotel room with kids is not conducive for doing grown folk thangs. We cut the Vancouver trip to one night.

I would have never guessed my 45th birthday would be spent in Blaine, Washington, but I enjoyed it. We stole berries from birds, drank beer, ate sushi from a startup restaurant inside a gas station, went sightseeing at the local Dank of America, hiked, completed a rock throwing competition, climb bent trees, and managed to grab Indian food just before the city shut down at 9 p.m.

We only had 24 hours in the last stop of our week-long trip, Vancouver. One of those hours was spent in search of parking. Vancouver’s a busy city, even on a Sunday afternoon. Lesson learned: Just pay the damn $50 for hotel parking.

Once settled, we ate at a barbecue joint in Chinatown. The food tasted great, but it activated a demon in my gut. Amber and the kids were fine, but I had to go into clenched cheeks mode towards the end of the mile walk back to the hotel. I’m only sharing this to remind others with faulty digestive systems to stake out public bathrooms and prep accordingly when traveling. Don’t be ashamed. You’re not alone.

The highlight of our short stay in Vancouver was the six-mile bike ride in Stanley Park. It’s a huge ocean-side park with playgrounds and beaches. Of course the water’s only 50 degrees, but that’s never stopped the Gibson boys.

Our night ended with Arabic food, and for me, an urgent pit stop in Safeway for Pepto and the lavatory.

We drove back to Seattle the next day for out flight home. I’ve accumulated enough miles for another trip to Seattle. Or maybe we’ll earn more and finally make it to Japan?

-Dewan Gibson