Kidz Bop is a group of child singers who perform clean versions of today’s hit songs, thereby preventing their target audience from singing along to N-bombs and other filthy lyrics that could get them called out at Kendrick Lamar concert. Based on their record sales (millions!) and ticket sales (mo’ millions!) the strategy has paid off. Being that I’m a nice parent who has been wrongly criticized as “mean” by my 5-year-old—the same 5-year-old who yells that he likes Mama more than me when I leave the house—I surprised the family with $20 tickets to see the Kidz Bop show at the Ohio State Fair.
Kidz Bop is lit, as the cool kids say. I didn’t anticipate that they’d really sing, but they did, and they got down–especially Cooper with the Justin Timberlake frosted highlights. (Don’t get the JT corn rows, bro.) They performed a lot of Bruno Mars–substituting the “champagne on ice” lyrics from “That’s What I Like” with “strawberry milkshakes on ice”–and even played some ol’ school Kriss Kross during the parents’ dance off, where four goofy moms did a running man battle for some Kidz Bop merch. Too bad Amber wasn’t in it.
After intermission, which was required to make sure none of the performers had lost their voice due to puberty during the first half of the show, Kidz Bop returned and did a few more top 40 hits, performing for about 90 minutes total. There was also an encore, but thanks to some food truck chicken wings that messed my stomach up, I had to rush to the bathroom as it started. Guess it could have been worse. Can you imagine a grown man shitting himself at a Kidz Bop concert?
Anyhow, the show was well worth the money, even from the cheap seats. The kids loved it and Amber did, too. As for me, I don’t typically enjoy being around kids other than my own, and even they begin to wear on me after about two hours/120 questions asked. But seeing thousands of sweet, trusting, and free little human beings wildly in their element made me think: “This doesn’t last.” Soon enough someone will tell them “You can’t dance” or “You’re too old for Kidz Bop” and they’ll grow self-conscious. Sad! Keep that young spirit, y’all.