Hillcrest is a neighborhood in San Diego where men with great posture and the mannerisms of Senator Lindsey Graham live, congregate, and loudly accuse each other of having "resting bitch face." After a couple hours spent maintaining my position as one of my city's top-rated Uber drivers, and likely the only one to offer riders free soft mints, I went there to meet my wife, Amber, for dinner.
As I stood on the corner dialing my phone, trying to find where Amber was parked; an old man who looked a bit like Ben Stiller's dad walked past me and said, "Hey, nice ass!" I didn't know how to respond. For one, he was somewhat right. My ass is small but well-shaped. It's grown a bit in recent years thanks to my daily workout: running from the tax man and carrying kids up and down the stairs tens of times per day. And a woman once told me I have an ass like Jada Pinkett. I guess that's a compliment. No Amaechi.
Anyhow, I just shook my head at the old, bold man. He quickly turned away, guess he realized I don't play that. Only heterosexual harassment is fine with me. Hold up...
I finally got Amber on the phone. She was parked right where Mr. Stiller was walking. I asked her to slyly take a pic of the guy. And there he is above. Sweater all tucked in and shit. If you see him, let him know my ass isn't nice. It's just alright.