Never Attend A Pool Party Hosted By Ludacris

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Ludacris hosted a pool party last weekend at the Hard Rock in Vegas and all hell broke lose. Well, did you expect us to swim?

-Dewan Gibson

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Mike Tyson’s Solution To Bullying: Stand On The Roof & Drop A TV On His Head

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I need to pass this advice on to my kids. I actually have an old TV in the garage that I was about to give to Goodwill. (Poor folks need LCD screens, too.) I think I'll keep it since my oldest will be starting school this summer. Man, I wish Mike Tyson had said this when I was in 7th grade and that bull dyke threw me on the ground.

-Dewan Gibson

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Mother Yokes The Riot Out of Her Son

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Hell, she may have a future in law enforcement. At least until law enforcement comes after her for child abuse. My take on the events in Baltimore: There are legitimate reasons for protest. Baltimore police are more out of control than a jilted harlot on the reunion episode of a VH1 reality show, which is why they've had to shell out millions in excessive force lawsuits. And there are also bad apples among the protesters, the type of people who would tear shit up regardless of Freddie Gray's murder. Anyway, I'm sure things will calm down in the next day or two and our country will be right back on its socially apathetic path.

-Dewan Gibson

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Just Trying To Keep The Children Fed

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My youngest boy Larke (note:spelled with a masculine "e" at the end) has gone from teat grabber to bottle holder. By the way, remember that breakfast-dinner your parents used to make when you didn't have shit else to eat? That wasn't anything but a second serving of WIC.

-Dewan Gibson

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