The Week With Action Bronson, Who Has Been All Over My Internet

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I'm eight songs deep into Action's first major label album. I'd be all the way through it, but the kids are around and the songs put them way over their daily suggested f-word allotment. So far, it's entertaining, not great, but enjoyable--much like these YouTube cooking and traveling videos he puts out.

On a related note, these "fights" have become a thing at Bronson's shows. I guess it's his weird way of showing love to the people, and vice-versa. Sort of like how Lil' B fans offer their girlfriends and wives to his harem. Action's in San Diego in about two weeks. If you see a skinny, Sugar Ray Leonard/Bruce Leroy-looking brotha get thrown off stage, pray for my well-being. (Byron Crawford)

-Dewan Gibson

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Utah Goes Retro With Cruel & Unusual Punishment, Brings Back Firing Squad

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Execution drugs are hard to come by in the U.S. these days. The only domestic company to produce them, Hospira, stopped after death penalty opponents put pressure on that ass. The result: States like Utah are going old school when it comes to government-sanctioned murder. I'm thinking drones or other robots will be handling their dirty work in the very near future. From The Guardian:

Faced with a nationwide scarcity of execution drugs, Utah’s governor on Monday signed into law a bill that resurrects the use firing squads as an alternative method of executing condemned inmates.

The law allows Utah to use a firing squad only if the lethal injection drugs are unavailable 30 days before an execution is scheduled to take place...

With lethal injections in short supply around the country, Utah is one of a handful of states returning to execution practices once abandoned for their gruesome nature.

This year, lawmakers in Arkansas are considering a proposal to allow the firing squad, and in Oklahoma, a lawmaker there proposed a bill that would allow nitrogen case as an alternative to lethal injections. Other states have debated bringing back the electric chair.

-Dewan Gibson

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Which Former USC & NFL Running Back Is Looking For Chicks On Craigslist?

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I spotted this ad on Craigslist while searching for the increasingly necessary but always evil job outside of home. Apparently, a former USC and NFL running back is returning to San Diego and wants to hookup with chicks via a well-written, sort of wink-wink Craigslist ad: "I'm looking for a chill/fun woman to party with all day and/or all night. Drinks, lunch, dinner, lounge, club...whatever."

My first thought "that damn Reggie Bush!" But there's no way. I've lived in San Diego since he was at USC and when I was dating, like, every third girl I'd meet had had sex with him. Plus, you don't go from Kim Kardashian to Craigslist.

Then I figured it might be Lendale White. He played at USC, is close to 30 or so, and spent about five years in the NFL. So I replied to the ad with the following: "Lendale? Is this you, man? You posted under the wrong section of Craigslist (customer service), when you should be under Casual Encounters or something. Best of luck, though. If all else fails go to Tijuana!" No response.

After sending the reply, I did a bit of research on Pro Football Reference. Based on a list of former USC running backs who played in the NFL and are over 30, the ladies' man could also be Chad Morton. But he's 37 and played seven years in the NFL, not five. And he was more of a kick returner than a running back, though running back was his official position...

And then I got tired and said the hell with it. I need to mind my own business, and find a new gig. Good luck next weekend, unknown former USC and NFL running back!

-Dewan Gibson

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Sébastien Tellier: ‘Look’ (Animated Ode To That Donk)

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Cool video, and an even better song. It sounds like something I'd hear in a Scandinavian bar, surrounded by chicks that give you bonus points for: 1) being American; 2) being black American; and 3) supposedly looking like their favorite black TV star, though you really don't.

-Dewan Gibson

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Mobile Meth Lab Found In Bathroom At Club Walmart

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One of the first things I do when I visit a new city is go to its Walmart, it gives me a good indication of the type of area I'm in. If the store has remnants of trollop hair in the parking lot (as I saw at a Walmart in Missouri) and uniformed security, something can jump off at any time. But next time, remind me to check the bathrooms and make sure there's not a meth-fest going on, as there was at a Walmart in Muncie, Indiana (a city that just sounds a bit "methy").

-Dewan Gibson

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Local News Confronts Gun Show Vendor Who Sells ‘Runnin’ Ni**er’ Targets

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When asked about the targets, the redneck said, "Are you negro?" You know there's some black people and then there's some ni**ers," which is a variation of a classic Chris Rock joke, except this guy wasn't funny and his voice was somehow even more annoying. Oh yeah, the vendor sold "500" targets. Man, I might need to get strapped. I just won't buy my piece from a gun show in North Dakota. (Talking Points Memo)

-Dewan Gibson

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Subject Line Of An Email I Received From Spirit Airlines: ‘We Love 69′

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Spirit Airlines is the Greyhound of the skies, so of course I subscribe to their promotional emails, though I've yet to actually buy a flight (right now I can only afford the actual Greyhound). However, that may change in the near future if they keep expressing their love for "grown folk thangs."

-Dewan Gibson

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