Dating Instructions From My Almost Ex Zoe Kravitz

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Well, evidently she doesn't date guys who send her multiple MySpace messages the month of her 18th birthday. Actually, I think she was 17 and some change. As far as I know, California state law doesn't say much about planning and early recruitment. Damn, she missed out. I wonder what Lisa Bonet's up to...

-Dewan Gibson

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Helping My Second Boy To Progress From Animal Sounds To Words

cassius-reading

Ca$$ius, better known as Gopher, is showing improvement. But the speech therapist charges a damn $30 co-pay, so if he doesn't get it together soon we'll be forced to the always free Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good.

-Dewan Gibson

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Congressman Grayson On Bigamist Ex-Wife: ‘Gold Diggers Gotta Dig’

grayson

Good explanation, but Grayson should have added an "I'm sayin', though." The congressman and his wife were together for 25 years and five kids, despite she being married to another man the entire time. And now she wants his millions. This is why you don't get married unless you're po' or have the ability to move assets ("assesses" as my friend's dad calls them) overseas. Let my wife try something, she'll get half a ghetto condo in Phoenix and about 50 old issues of GQ magazine.

-Dewan Gibson

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Tonya Harding Lookalike Caught Poisoning Roommates’ Food With Windex

hayleyking

A 22-year-old southern belle and University of South Carolina student was caught on hidden camera spitting in and spraying Windex on her roommates' food. Now she's facing up to 20 years in prison or, at best, a future reviving the Girls Gone Wild series. Hopefully all young, blonde, white women step up to condemn her actions. From The Washington Post:

Police say the footage — taken in February — shows the 22-year-old student opening the apartment’s refrigerator and spitting in several containers of her roommates’ food. She can also be seen spraying and pouring Windex in the food; the household cleaner can become deadly when ingested.

The footage, which has been uploaded to YouTube, appears to show King methodically contaminating the food. After opening containers, she appears to cock her head and spit multiple times into the food before carefully mixing the contents.

She returns to the refrigerator moments later with a bottle of Windex in her hand and begins spraying it onto the food. She repeats the process several more times and pours some of the cleaning solution into the food containers before reapplying the lids and placing them back in the fridge.

-Dewan Gibson

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Ever Wonder How It Looks When 51 Workers Are Stuffed In A Van?

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According to current statistics, at least one guy in the van really, really enjoyed the ride. From Shanghaiist:

Traffic police who'd recently stopped a van on the streets of Guiyang were shocked to see an astonishing 51 passengers file out of the six-seat vehicle. Video footage recorded by police shows 49 passengers crammed inside the back of the van pouring out one by one, as well as two people who were seated in the front. According to CCTV News, the van was carrying workers to a construction site. In order to save time, the driver decided to remove the rear seats so all the workers could be transported at once.

-Dewan Gibson

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